oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
