my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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