Four minutes until I can fart!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I need to sanitize my soul.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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