i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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