I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
