Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
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He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
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I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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