Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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