i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
