We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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