i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize
