I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Vodka?
Forever.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
