Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
