So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
