Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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