you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
