wanna go halves on a baby?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
