My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
