Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
