Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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