the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
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