im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
