well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
drinking out of a sandbucket again
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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