I think im going to throw up on grandma
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Randomize
