Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
