just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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