you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
