dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
