woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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