K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
