His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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