So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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