You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
