my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
should my penis look like a turkey
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
