can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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