i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
