none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
