i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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