I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize