just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
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