Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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