You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
