I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
