My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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