You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
