Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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