so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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