Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
