she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
