I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
