they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
