Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
