Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Randomize
