I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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