Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
