I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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