so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
As shirtless as possible
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
