Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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