I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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