I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
