this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I checked into jail on foursquare
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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