I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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