Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
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