ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
