Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
