end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
